I'm sorry my penis didn't work
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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