I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Randomize
