a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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