ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize