I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
