Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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