i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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