Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Randomize
