My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
My feet surprised me
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