drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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