I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
