pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
