I'm going to jail i love you
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
