I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize