if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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