We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
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