Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize