do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
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