I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
