mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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