its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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