3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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