I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
