News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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