How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
