My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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