Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize