Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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