id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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