Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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