When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
My butt remains clenched, sir.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
