Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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