Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
