last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
