just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize