No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Randomize
