i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
My day in three words: secret purse cake
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
