Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Randomize
