Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
You may now shotgun with the bride
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
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