Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
