woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Randomize
