I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
