Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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