Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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