At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Tornado booty call.. dedication
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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