I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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