omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Randomize
