he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
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