Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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