Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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