Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Randomize
