lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
