Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Randomize
