So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
