Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
