I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
