Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize