I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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