Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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