they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
