when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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