I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
