I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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