Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
