i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
