when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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