Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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