Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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