i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
