i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
