dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
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