I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
