i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
