I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
