weddingsv make me drug and hornr
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
