You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
