so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize