Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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