My room smells like vodka and shame
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
