now i know why i became what i already was.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize