You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
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