Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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