in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
no you cant smoke seaweed
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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