he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize