who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
God I need to hump something, right now.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
