You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Randomize
