so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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