so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Randomize
