saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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