No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Randomize
