i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
