Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
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