that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
