Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
