I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
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